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Music

Workshop #248: Clean by Elsie 2017

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This track has been submitted for your friendly, constructive criticism. What useful feedback can you give the artist? The floor is yours to talk about the track and how they can fix problems in and improve upon the mix and the song.

Description of the track:

I used to write songs like I would have written a diary, when I was 20. Time has passed since, Real Life happened, and I have recently decided to try my hand at music again.

This song is part of a series that talks about a computer-based variant of "Flowers for Algernon", and is early in the story, with the narrator happily setting up his computer. The final version will have some extra FX and dialogs overlapped but I would still love to get your feedback on where I'm heading.

Made with Reaper, M-audio FastTrack Pro, 2 guitars (one acoustic one electric) and my trusty ole cheapo mike, an LEM UD-360. And only freeware VST's.

Lyrics:

I'm clean
My system's running fine
And it's all that matters to me
Looking outside
I get scared by what I see
It's a crowded ant farm
And I could get stepped on - easily

It's clean
All updates applied
And this is the way it should be
I run on my own time
No one here is judging me
An orderly meat space
A rest from the rat race
Just for my box and me

We're clean
The configuration's fine
And it's even talking to me
I will stay forever living my life on this screen
I faintly remember something about Marie
Years ago but it's gone
It's gone

Elsie
Now it's just you and me
Think of just how great this will be
I can kiss the world goodbye

And be the king of my pc

Terms of Use: Users can stream the track for the purposes of giving feedback but cannot download or redistribute it.


Have a listen to the track and offer your constructive criticism for this Workshop in the comments section. Feel free to offer any type of advice - arrangement, mix, lyrics, performance. And remember to play nice - be constructive!

Need constructive criticism on your own tracks? Submit them for a workshop using this form. Most but not all submissions are published. There may be a wait of up to two months.

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